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Wednesday, October 4, 2023

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An Open Letter to Kwasi Kwarteng (Former Chancellor and the Exchequer – United Kingdom)


Dearest brother – Kwasi,

Sad to see you go, Kwasi, (Chancellor of the Exchequer) but it is these types of decisions that makes corporate governance a good subject. When your decision(s) and judgement-calls fail, your position as a leader becomes untenable. You must resign or be fired. Perhaps, this explains why we have developed countries and developing countries although civilisation started with the latter.

Let me praise you for achieving such great success in your relatively short Political Career. I did not dream that a fully blooded Ghanaian will occupy such prestigious office for even one hour. You got the job; and for six solid weeks you were Chancellor. Traditionally, you had the keys to and were occupying Number 11 Downing Street as the Vice President and Finance Minister of Great Britain. I am profoundly grateful to God and proud of you for putting Ghana and Ejisu on the map.

Now that you have been fired, I bet, people with your pigment, Kwasi, including the envious and jealous ones as well as those mob in the labour party who, hitherto referred to you as coconut head, coke ice and a sell-out, are all going to milk your story – pretentiously empathising with your abrupt exit. You trust them at your own peril.

You bet, they will say, you have been thrown under the proverbial bus because you are black. And, to be sacked in [our] black history month, and yourself – an avid historian -, you must be conscious that you are going to be our monthly subject. – In short, this is Black [Kwasi Kwarteng] History Month.

Kwasi, I am sorry to state the obvious; politics is a day to day job. Your post is very very temporal. The only exception, I dare argue, is for Political Office holders in Africa and, closer home, Ghana precisely since 2017.

To explain, in Ghana, politicians are fired (examples: Otiko Djaba , Sarah Adwoa Safo or Boakye Agyarko)- if you are not prepared to play ball. The rest are all doing fine; no matter the scandal, you are safe inside! Your added buffer would be to create a nice niche of social media army of boys and girls; who you have in palm fifty pounds equivalent in Cedis, per head, every month. And if you decide to insulate yourself against prison custody for any Political and Economic Crime, you must take care of your local royal kinsmen. If you are wise enough to do that then you have your freedom to do whatever you want for a lifetime.

In fact, in Ghana we have a Health Minister who should be standing trial by now and, if found guilty, – imprisoned for using Covid-19 to dupe poor Ghanaians, your cousins, with Sputnik V contract as well as a sordid contract with Frontiers Services, a company that was awarded a contract before being registered, where no one knows who signed the contract document. The whole Parliament could not even unravel such mystery.

As for galamsey (illegal small-scale mining) and fraudulent tax evasion deals, even Members of Council of State businesses are fingered. Chairpersons and officers of political parties, in connivance, ministers and CEOs are busy digging our reserved forests for gold. So, Kwasi, remember to bring your jumpers, more waterproof jackets and flood shoes because, even Kyebi, which has not seen flood since my childhood, is flooded.

Also Kwasi, one hurdle in the way to successfully achieving this is the current state of the water bodies surrounding the lands. You must ship water ahead of your trip via a door to door service (my friend, Laud Brown and his wife Catherine Brown own a superb logistic company and their rates are exceptionally low with dutiful customer service). Please the water shipment is essential because our water bodies cannot be distinguished from your favourite soup, nkatekwan.

Well, Kwasi, I am certain you will survive. Believe me, your cousins have survived under double salaried ministers and MPs; some have done better with that. One won an election to become the number three gentlemen of the Republic.

You will survive, Kwasi, because back home, a whole forest reserve near to your hometown was being laundered to the brother of the former President until power changed hands and, if you care to know, that brother did not pay a single import duty for six years while his brother was president. And, when power changed hands, he could issue dud cheques and no one could complain. I don’t even know how that ended, I just gave up because the new government started on a scandalous note; so, like London buses, it came thick and fast in a sea of red, all at once.

By the way, that brotherman want to come back as president because the current government have done many many bad things that makes him look like a saint. Kwasi, you won’t believe that this saint is a character that awarded three million dollars contract for a bus to be painted when the total cost was actually thirty thousand dollars. You see, I told you, you will definitely survive, didn’t I?

Kwasi, I guess Ghana is the right place for you. Please come and join your younger brother Kweku Adeboli and start up an investment firm. Who knows, one day, your firm and its entire staff will run Ghana’s economy into a ditch and we shall, as party faithfuls, blame it on Russia and Europe gas politics. You are guaranteed your share of the National cake, after all, you are Ejisu dehye kronkron. Look at your fellow Ejisu brother, yes, the one beside you, I guess he told you two days ago how he has been surviving? Just bring with you a bible and a white material for us to make you similar clothes. You speak soft already and by so, hitting the right notes.

Our former able, now infamous, Second, who professed solutions to our economic woes and has failed miserably when the opportunity came for him to do the magic, is in boisterous mood campaigning to be flagbearer and voted for as president because he comes from a minority tribe, and youthful 59 years old so we all are cowed to support him, regardless of his abysmal performance, lest we would be tagged as a tribalistic party and be voted out of office. It doesn’t matter if there are other candidates. It’s just a little bit like Rushi and Liz’ contest but the odds, on this occasion, is more on tribe not competence. You see, I said you will survive!

Kwasi, please extend my greetings to your beautiful wife, Harriet, and the little one, Liberty Frances. Undoubtedly, Harriet will be livid. She will say, they were out to get you and they did just that. Well, Harriet a great lawyer but, in politics, when you are fired you can’t bring a claim for constructive dismissal. Just lick your wounds and quell to the green bench at the back. You may get an opportunity to bounce back, who knows; that is, if you decide to stick with the British High Standards of politics.

As for mummy Boitey, she is a woman made of steel. I am sure she has lived long enough to tell you this is normal for the Tory party. And, whenever there is a bubble, the Tory want to move on, as the lyrical late Michael Jackson would posit, whilst moonwalking, and in his sleek voice “it doesn’t matter, if you are black or white”, you will be dropped in the Supreme Interest of the Party.

I am on my way back from Ghana en route via Amsterdam and I just got the news while sipping English Breakfast Tea.

Let’s catch up soon.

Yours truly, Sekyere (Aduana and Asene) brother,

Kojo Owusu of Agona Asante

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